Cheat sheet for Broncos' next coach
January 3
Rocky Mountain News columnist Bernie Lincicome
"As a public service for the next head coach of the Broncos, here are the answers to all the really important questions about one of the best jobs in football, none of which are likely to come up during actual job interviews.
Is it better to look at a college coach, an untried NFL defensive or offensive coordinator or a successful veteran head coach with an impressive resume?
Mike Shanahan is unavailable.
Isn't the most important consideration who can best develop quarterback Jay Cutler?
Mike Shanahan is unavailable.
What one aspect of the game, other than teaching the basic tackle to the defense, should the new coach give most of his attention?
Fewer giveaways, more takeaways.
What will be the most difficult adjustment for the new Broncos coach to make?
Mountain Daylight Time.
What does "a fresh direction" mean, anyway?
Upwind of Nebraska.
The new Broncos coach must have new ideas. Wasn't the last new idea in football to wear the pads under the shirt?
Now you tell the running backs.
How hard will it be to follow Mike Shanahan?
Unless he's on a snowboard, no problem.
What can they say about the next coach they haven't already said about Shanahan?
What a funny guy.
Should the new coach be concerned about owner Pat Bowlen identifying Cutler as "the man around here now?"
Check who has the best parking place.
Aside from winning, of course, is there one thing that will keep the big boss happy?
Don't call the press "media."
Sideline conduct is obviously very important. It can inspire confidence or cause despair. What is the most important thing for a head coach to remember on the sidelines?
To wear the official NFL sweater.
Which is more keeping with the Broncos' image, to hire a flamboyant coach who will upstage his owner and players, or one who will blend in and keep things low key and dignified?
The next coach could be used for a duck blind.
What is the best qualification to have on a coaching resume to get the Broncos job?
Will work for earmuffs.
To make sure of getting the job, is it better to know John Elway's lifetime passing yardage or Steve Atwater's lifetime penalty yardage?
Better to know Brandon Marshall's moods.
What is the best way to handle obnoxious, abusive fans?
Stay out of Oakland.
Is the Broncos defensive-talent cupboard bare?
No. Slow, inept and hopeless takes up a lot of room.
With all those injured running backs returning, do the Broncos have a tailback controversy?
No, the Broncos have tailback uncertainty."
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