www.KCChiefsHelpWanted.com
Nov 13, 2008 | 5:29PM | report this Life isn't fair. Never will be. If life were fair, then people who do things the right way (people who showed up to work, payed their bills, and lived within their means) wouldn't be the ones getting ####, and the idiots (the CEOs who tanked the entire banking system while taking corporate retreats at tropical resorts and were punished with multi-million dollar golden parachutes) who #### it all up wouldn't be getting trillion dollar bailouts. But since life isn't fair, and it is always us, the "Joe the Plumbers" of the world (whose name isn't Joe and who isn't a plumber) that's given the axe, even when we're the only one not spending money we don't have. So to all the laid off workers at the KC Star, American Century, Sprint, DHL, and everyone else victimized by corporate corruption/ineptness, I know that the current job market is tough, so I'll give you a tip on one place in town that has immediate openings:
Several Open Positions Still Remain
Position: Defensive End
Job Summary: line up alongside disappointing but improving young DTs and across all-Pro LT Jammal Brown and get completely mauled; will play in front of unenthusiastic crowds numb from losing; may not be seen on TV;
Promotional Potential: Fair, can start right away, but may be relegated to bench due to heavy investment made in Turk McBride and Tamba Hali; will have to play out of your mind in order for current management to admit that they made a mistake with current starters; if All-Pro form is reached, will be traded for draft picks due to managements unwillingness to invest in once in a generation pass rushers;
Requirements: must be able to line up in three point stance; pass rush skills preferred but not required; former first round busts will have priority; due to inability of teammates to stop third down conversions, may be needed to work extended hours;
Exp: no winning experience needed, nor will any be provided;
Position: Linebacker
Job Summary: chase fastest RB in league; miss gap assignments and run wrong way on misdirections while playing against NFL's most creative play callers; may be confused for former employee of different race; chances to smack the #### out of overrated, loud mouth, punk TE;
Promotional Potential: Very Good; currently only bench openings, but current starter can easily be outperformed; performance evaluation are poor, so even if let go by Chiefs and replaced by overpriced alternatives, will have other opportunities to start for Super Bowl champions in near future; (No, I didn't forget about Scott Fujita. Letting him leave is indefensible. I will say that this is King Carl's worst personnel move among a litany of horribly wretched, indefensible personnel moves. The guy was fast, smart, hard working, and tough. He was the only LB that could make a tackle on some horrible defenses when he played here. On top of the fact that he would be the best LB we've drafted in the King Carl era, the guy's name is Fujita, and as an adopted child, he grew up thinking that he was Japanese. When he bows to the crowd after blowing up LJ, (And he will, the guy had the best game of his career last time we played him. This game is personal for him) I'm gonna have to give him his proper respect by bowing back.)
Requirements: must not be able to recognize RB draws; will be out of position for, at least, the majority of plays; must be able to play football off the chest without intercepting it; will need to be equally poor at tackling as well as dropping into pass coverage; will not be able to pressure QB on blitzes, but won't matter because boss call it during the wrong time anyway;
Exp: being over payed because you played for other dominate defenses a must, but please be advised that coaching staff will play a style of defense that will be completely foreign to you and render you useless;
Position: Defensive Back
Job Summary: get picked apart by MVP caliber QB; chasing WR around for minutes at a time while D-linemen apply no pressure; will remain busy all game long; may get torched for 50+ points this week;
Promotional Potential: Poor; short term duty until younger CBs get healthy;
Requirements: must run slower than 4.7 forty, and be able to futilely chase plays from 15 yards away; must be able to relinquish fourth quarter leads no matter how large; ability to allow long third down conversion on blown coverages is prerequisite for consideration; open field tackling prohibited;
Exp: premium pay for over-the-hill DBs who's skill set do not match cover 2 scheme;
Apply in person. We are an equal opportunity employer.
Hung Lo's Unlucky Losers
Bankroll - 3545 + 225 = 3770
Remember folks. It's not a severance check. It's the start of a bankroll, and the only way the bills get paid is if you "invest" that money wisely. I am here to bring you better dividends than any #### from AIG could ever deliver.
Locks of the Week
Balt +7 - 330 to win 300 and Balt/NYG under 41.5 - 330 to win 300 - There might not be 7 points scored total. This things got 2 to 4 written all over it.
Tenn -3 - 220 to win 200 - Still riding the Titans until someone stops the train.
Sunday Night Special - Don't bet the wrong game like I did last week.
Dal/Was over 42 - 165 to win 150 - Romo's back. Either he'll score, or he'll throw the picks so Washington will score.
Monday Night Pay the Rent
Cleveland +5 - 220 to win 200 - Two teams that have quit. I'll take the quitters getting points.
Read more of my stuff at www.KCSportsRant.com or e-mail me at HungLo@KCSportsRant.com
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